I think about running
Muscles tighten, breath quickens and mind enters a tunnel
I think about running to anywhere but the
mind-numbing, soul-sucking loneliness that is here.
I open my mouth grave-wide to rage against the darkness
It envelops like quicksand, invading lungs like plague,
rendering my throat ragged and ineffectual.
I dream of retreating,
Tendons flexing, feet hitting pavement repetitively
I dream of retreating so deep into myself
That the liars and leeches
become lost in my inner labyrinth
Those that dare to speak of love and loyalty without knowing the real meaning
are cast down into my loneliness
I pray it feasts upon them till nothing but bleached bone remains
I imagine receding
Heart races, pulse soars, sweat trickles a path down exhausted psyche
I imagine receding
Conceding my faith, acknowledging the odds are too great to conquer
Accepting the disquieting inevitability of silky isolation
Choosing to cling to pain so exacting,
I question the decision to keep fighting with every laborious breath.
I'm shocked to numbness and my smiles ring hollow
I am at my limit
No more strength, no more love, no more faith
I function instead of live
I feel my light fade
and see no reason to reignite it.
I stand at the precipice, body primed at the ready
The starting gun thunders
and I run
eyes closed, soul clenched, heart bankrupted,
I run into darkness.